RvB: what if the triplets meets the Blood Glugh crew
by lupiniiiredawesome
Summary: So what did you think that if the the triplets were assigned to Outpost, along with the Blood Glugh crew there.
1. Met The Reds and Blues

A/N: this takes place during season 7.

Somewhere far away from Outpost number 16.

Two men and one woman in armor just walk.

Ohio, Iowa and Idaho walking around for a long time.

Ohio: God damn it how long does it take to get there.

Iowa to Ohio: does command even know where we're going?

Idaho: you know we haven't received a message from then from a long time.

Ohio: hey I think I see something in the distance..

Ohio spotted a building from a Faraway distance.

Iowa: finally a place to stay. I was getting tired...

Idaho: I was getting really hungry and thirsty..

The triplets were walking into the blue base.

They found a bunch of mechanical Parts including a robot body.

Iowa: what in the world happened here?

Ohio nervously: is that a real dead body?!

Idaho: I don't think it's that a real human body I think it's a robot.

Ohio took a few of deep breaths.

Caboose to the triplets: hello there!

Iowa: Jesus Christ!?

Ohio: where the fuck did you come from!?

Caboose to the triplets: are you guys from command?

Ohio to Caboose: what you know about command?

Iowa to Caboose: what are you doing with this mechanical robot body?

Caboose reply to Iowa: I'm just trying to bring back an old friend..

Idaho: I kind of feel like he's like doing some weird Frankenstein shit.

Iowa to Idaho: well thanks obvious Captain Obvious?!

Caboose to the triplets: what you guys come and stay with me, I mean it's kind of lonely.

Iowa to Caboose: so do you need any help with your robotic Frankenstein?

Caboose to Iowa: actually his name is Church by the way and he's also a ghost but sometimes the others think of him as a AI.

The triplets went silent and looked at Caboose.

Idaho to Caboose: what did you say your friend was an AI?

Caboose reply to Idaho: then there was this other AI called O'Malley but some of my friends called in Omega.

Idaho to Caboose: what you guys had in contact with some of our fragment AI.

Caboose reply to Idaho: yeah, it was not even that cool.

Ohio to Caboose: so can we help you with your project?

Caboose reply to Ohio: .. yes.

To Be Continued...  
A/N: the triplets managed to make it to Outpost 16, to help Caboose with his " project". 


	2. Inspecting

Sarge: Attention: Blue Team! This is the Red Team! We are here to destroy you! Your long reign of being the shittiest team around is about to come to the sudden and cataclysmic end! We will give you a few moments to suck in the horrors of this announcement! And then return for your reaction. Be right back!

Sarge backs down towards Red Base, where Simmons and Grif are standing.

Sarge: Hehe. Alright, that oughta scare the bejeebus out of them!

Simmons: Actually, sir. Since it's just one of them over there—

Grif to Simmons: And the one is an idiot...

Simmons to Grif: —I don't really see the point in psychological warfare.

Sarge to Simmons: You're right, Simmons. It's not really accurate to refer to one person as a team. What's better? Blue Person? Blue Man? Bluetonian?

Simmons to Sarge: What I meant wa—

Sarge to Simmons: Bluetard!

Simmons to Sarge: ...What I meant was, I don't see the point in announcing to him that we're gonna attack. Why don't we just do it?

Sarge to Simmons: There's an order to this, Simmons. We can't abandon protocol just because we have an advantage! We have to give him a chance to see the errors of his Blue ways! To lay down his arms and meet his fellow men at the table of peace, where we can work together towards a better world. A world that's better, because we poisoned his food at that table, and stabbed him in the eye with a fork. And taken all his stuff.

Simmons to Sarge: ... Dibs on the computers.

Sarge to Simmons: Noted. Now watch that base. Tell me if anything changes.

Simmons to Sarge: Yes, sir! And sir?

Sarge to Simmons: Yes, Simmons?

Simmons to Sarge : I just wanna say, I'm glad I was here to see you on your day of victory. It's been a long time coming.

Sarge to Simmons: Yes it has, hasn't it? My skills as a leader have really taken us far. It must've been quite an honor to serve with me. (pause) Ah... okay. Glad we had this talk.

Simmons hopeful to Sarge: Are you glad I'm here too, Sarge?

Sarge to Simmons: Of course I am.

Simmons to Sarge: I knew it! I just could—

Sarge to Simmons: The squad's kill-death ratio is the most important measurement when evaluating sergeants! If you had died, that would've hurt my numbers.

Simmons to Sarge: (sniffs; walks off) (dejectedly) Glad I could help!

Sarge: It's better to keep a little padding in our stats! That way, if we're far enough ahead, I can stab Grif in the face, and still stay in the lead.

Grif to Sarge: You know, I'm standing right here.

Sarge to Grif: Right where I want you: within face-stabbing range!

A radio sounds.

Sarge: Lopez, how are those vehicle repairs coming?

Lopez: ¿Cómo van? El jeep está destruido. No se puede arreglar. [Coming? The jeep is destroyed. It can't be fixed.]

Sarge to Lopez: Got an ETA?

Lopez to Sarge: Sí. Nunca. [Yes. Never.]

Sarge to Lopez: As long as they get it ASAP! Cuz I need a PDQ!

Lopez to Sarge: En ese caso, nunca menos uno. [In that case, never minus one.]

Sarge to Lopez: Lopez, you're a regular RFR—Really Fast Robot. Grif! Make a note in the acronym journal. Simmons! Status report!

Simmons to Sarge: (watching over the Blue Base) Still just one Blue, sir.

Sarge to Lopez: Lopez! Status report!

Lopez to Lopez: ¡Ya hablaste conmigo, idiota! [You already talked to me, jackass!]

Sarge to Lopez: (runs back to the hill) Hey, Blue! Don't think we've forgotten about ya! Still gonna kill ya any second! (heads back towards his base) Count on it!

Grif: Sarge, have you thought this invasion all the way through?

Sarge: Of course I have! We beat the Blues; we win, you suck. That's all the way through.

Simmons returns as well.

Grif to Sarge: Uh, and who do we fight then?

Sarge to Grif: We fight... with other Blues!

Grif to Simmons: But what if no more Blues come? I mean they haven't sent reinforcements yet. What if they never do?

Simmons to Grif: Why would you want more Blues?

Grif to Simmons: Well, we have this new base and all this new equipment. Who else are we gonna test it on?

Simmons to Grif: Who cares!? The war would be over!

Grif reply to Simmons: Oh. Great.

Sarge to Grif: You're suggesting we don't attack them? Grif, that's borderline traitorism!

Simmons to Sarge: I think the word you're looking for is treason, sir.

Grif to Sarge: Never mind, Sarge. I was wrong. If the war's over and we win, well that's just great.

Sarge to Grif: Of course it would be!

Grif to Sarge: I mean, no more early morning runs. No more training exercises. Why would we need to do any of that stuff, right? We won!

Sarge to Grif: Right...?

Grif to Sarge: And all this new equipment—we can just let them fall into disrepair. I mean, we don't need it! We won't even need to test it, because we're winning. We're about to make it all obsolete.

Sarge: (groans)

Grif to Sarge: And just think about this, Sarge! No more boring staff meetings! Ever!

Sarge: (groans some more; runs back to the hill) Hey, Blue! There's uh, gonna be a slight delay in your destruction! Hang tight! (to Grif and Simmons) Maybe I should call our new command. They'll tell us what we should do.

Grif: Heh, yeah, the old one was so great, the new one's gotta be even better.

A radio sounds.

Sarge: Command! Come in, Command! This is Blood Gulch Outpost-... wait... I mean, Simmons, what's the name of this place again?

Simmons to Sarge: Valhalla.

Sarge: Valhaldagir-jaggle-callit... thingy... Outpost Number One! Do you read? Come in! I need advisement on what to do about Blue Team!

Simmons to Grif: What are you doing?

Grif to Simmons: What do you mean, what am I doing? We have one enemy here. We can milk this for years!

Sarge: No, Blue Team! (slowly) Blue...

Caboose & Iowa waltzes up to Simmons and Grif, who fail to notice him. He looks back and forth between who's talking.

Grif to Simmons: If we beat them, Command will just send us to some new base, where we have to fight a real team.

Simmons to Grif: So?

Grif to Simmons: So!? Do you want to fight one shitty enemy, or five real enemies?

Sarge: B-L-U-E. Blue! Try looking under "suck it!"

Grif to Simmons: You want me to help you subtract one from five? I know that's tough for you.

Simmons to Grif: Shut up.

Caboose to the Reds: Hey guys.

Simmons to Caboose: What are you doing here!?

Caboose reply to Sarge: Just gettin' parts from the crashed ship. What are you guys up to?

Iowa to Simmons: so who exactly are you guys in the red armor?

Simmons to Iowa: wait another blue here?

Grif: well I cannot believe it actually came true..

Iowa reply to Grif: oh I'm not actually a blue, I'm actually a freelancer.

Grif: all right you're one of those guys...

Simmons: well this is very awkward..

Caboose to Simmons: Do I get a vote?

Iowa to Caboose: that's what I'm about to say to.!

Simmons to them: No! G-Get back to your base! Stop wandering around during your defeat. It's confusing!

Caboose: Oh! Okay. Sorry!

(Caboose & Iowa begins to head back towards his base.)

Simmons to Caboose: And what are you workin' on?

Caboose to Simmons: Still not telling you!

Iowa to Simmons: it's a top secret project!

Sarge: Hello? Hello? Hello? They hung up on me!

Simmons to Sarge: Why?

Sarge to Simmons: They said they didn't even have record of a Blue Team. Nothing on Blues at all in their computer system.

Simmons: Oh. ... Ohhhh!

Sarge: What?

Simmons to Sarge : We deleted them, remember? From Command computers. We wiped them out.

Sarge to Simmons: We did?

Simmons to Sarge: Yeah, don't you remember?

Sarge to Simmons: Ohhh, right.

flashback. Grif and Sarge are standing behind Simmons, who is looking at a computer.

Sarge to Simmons: Simmons, execute the hypotenuse initiative, and delete the Blues.

Simmons to Sarge: (presses a switch) Done! The Blues now never existed. I also upgraded your pay scale while I was at it.

Sarge to Simmons: Well deserved.

Grif to Sarge: Yeah, we win!

Sarge cocks his shotgun and shoots Grif in the head. Grif falls over.

Grif: Blarg! I am dead, but that's okay, I don't deserve to enjoy victory. My life has meant nothing.

Sarge to Simmons: What a great day! Simmons, transform into Motorcycle Mode.

Simmons to Sarge: [monotone] You got it, sir. (begins changing into a motorcycle) Choop choop choop choop choop! Beep beep!

Sarge to Simmons: Let's get out of here. (hops on motorcycle-Simmons and drives outside) Yee-haw!

End flashback.

Grif to Simmons: That's not what happened!

Sarge to Grif: Of course it is.

Grif to Sarge: Then how am I still alive?

Sarge to Simmons: I ask myself that question every day. (pauses) Moto-Simmons! Run him over.

To Be Continued...  
A/N: Caboose and Iowa we're working on a secret project.. See y'll the next chapter


	3. A Few Problems

Caboose. He is talking to the Epsilon unit.

Caboose: Then there was the time we got a tank. Of course no one knew how to drive it, but then there was a big fight, my team got in trouble. So I talked to the tank. She was really nice, you're really gonna like her. Anyways, the team was in trouble, and I had to use the tank to drive out there to help them. ...Well, help most of them. ...Erm, some of them. ...Okay, let's just say this: I drove the tank, and some people got helped... and some other people didn't get helped. ...Details aren't really important.

the Red Base. Sarge is running around, searching through multiple areas of the base for Grif. He ends in front of the Warthog.

Sarge: Grif! Where the hell are ya? Grif! Grif? Grif! Come on!

Grif: (from in the base) I'm in here!

Sarge: Where are you? Grif, I need you!

Grif: In here, in the base!

Sarge: I can't hear you! Get out here!

Sarge runs towards the base while Grif is exiting it.

Grif: Okay. Damn, what is it?

Sarge: Where's Simmons?

Grif to Sarge: Simmons? If you wanted Simmons, then why didn't you yell like a lunatic for Simmons?

Sarge to Grif: Damn it, Grif! I entrusted you with one duty! And that's to know exactly where Simmons is at all times so I can find him! Simmons watches Donut, Donut watches me.

Grif to Sarge: Yeah, who watches me?

Sarge to Grif: Nobody. You move less than Donut does. Now where's Simmons?

Grif to Sarge: I don't know, he's downstairs in your hologram simulatron or whatever the hell you call it.

Sarge to Grif: Excellent work, Private Grif!

Grif to Sarge: Wow! Thank you, sir.

inside the simulation room, where Simmons is seen working on the jeep.

Sarge to Simmons: Simmons! There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!

Simmons to Sarge: Really? Sorry, sir. I was just down here working on the jeep prototype. I know you really want to see it built, and we need to work on a few bugs in the design.

Sarge to Simmons: A few bugs?

Simmons to Sarge: Yeah, you know, like the fact it stalls every time we fire the magnetic cannon, because you based it on an EMP.

Sarge to Simmons: Oh, right!

Simmons to Sarge: Kind of a critical flaw, if you don't mind me saying.

Sarge to Simmons: Oh, I don't mind you saying! Feedback is important.

Simmons to Sarge: It's just that sometimes I feel bad criticizing your work... you know, because you're in charge and all.

Sarge to Simmons: Simmons, there's no reason to feel that way! You're a valuable member of the team! I always find your feedback to be both insightful, and appropriate.

Simmons to Sarge: ...Really?

Sarge to Simmons: I know I can be rough sometimes, but that's only because it's hard being the leader! You know, dealing with those dirty Blues and that lousy Grif character all the time!

Simmons to Sarge: Gosh, sir, I don't know what to say! If it's okay with you, I would really like it if I could just call you "dad."

The real Sarge suddenly appears at the top level of the simulation room.

Sarge to Simmons: Simmons, are you down here?

Simmons to Sarge: [shocked] What? Yes! I mean... yes! Give me a second, don't come in!

Sarge to Simmons: What the hell are you doing?

Simmons to Sarge: Nothing! I was just working on your jeep design and—

Sarge to Simmons: What? Stay away from my jeep! It's perfect! You'll just mess it up!

Simmons to Simmons: (sighs) Yes, sir.

Sarge to Simmons: And who are you talking to?

Simmons sighs again as he turns to the simulated Sarge standing nearby him. A blue glow emits from below the simulated Sarge and he vanishes immediately.

Simmons to Sarge: (sighs) [dejectedly] Nobody.

Sarge to Simmons: Well, get upstairs on the pronto! We need to have a meeting! And I need someone to agree with me.

Simmons to Sarge: Do you want to brief me on the details first, so I know what I'll be agreeing to?

Sarge to Simmons: Oh yeah, I'll get riiiight on that. Send you a memo.

Simmons to Sarge: Really? Because I've been working on the template and I think it's ready to—

Sarge reply to Simmons: No! Of course not! Why the hell would I do that? What, did you get exposed to radiation or something down here? (leaves room) That boy's gone crazy...

Simmons: I like my digital life so much more than my stupid real life.

A simulated Grif appears.

Grif to Simmons: I love boners!

Simmons to Grif: (follows after Sarge) Shut up, fake Grif.

outside the entrance of the Red Base. Grif and Sarge are watching Simmons approach.

Sarge: Finally! Maybe now we can get started!

Grif to Simmons: What's your problem?

Simmons to Grif: Nothing. Leave me alone.

Sarge: Men, as you know, the Blues have been erased from Command records, for some unknown reason.

Simmons to Sarge: Unknown? Sir, we're the ones that did it!

Sarge to Simmons: You can't prove that.

Simmons: I think we can—

Grif to Simmons: Prove it to who?

Simmons: —because we're the ones that did it.

Sarge: Allegedly.

Simmons to Sarge: Not allegedly. You told me to do it, and I did it.

Sarge: Reportedly! Let's not go accusing people and inviting a lawsuit until we know the facts!

Grif: Who's gonna sue us? Us? We're gonna—wait, we're gonna sue ourselves?

Sarge: I'm going to defer this conversation to my legal team.

Grif: So, that means the staff meeting is over?

Sarge: No!

Grif: Why not?

Sarge: We have too much to discuss! Isn't that right, Simmons?

Simmons: (sighs) Absolutely, sir. No one has ever been more right than you.

Grif to Simmons: Wow, someone's phoning it in.

Sarge: If the Blues aren't in Command's database, that means even if we destroy them in a resounding victory, it still won't count as a win! It's like we didn't even beat anybody!

Grif: Hey, that's right! I never thought about that, sir!

Simmons: Meh. Whatever.

Sarge: So that means, we can't kill the Blues.

Grif: Exactly. Because if we defeated them, it won't even count. And that's the best part about winning a war: getting the points.

Sarge: Bingo!

Simmons: (without enthusiasm) No, why would we try to win, it's only what we're supposed to do.

Sarge: We need to find a way to get them back into the database first.

Grif to Sarge: So, your plan is to hold off our attack until our superior officers take notice of one of the teams in this canyon? And, notice them well enough to actually go out of their way and add them back into the database? Or, do anything at all in any way to formally recognize us in an official capacity?

Sarge to Grif: You got it.

Grif to Sarge: This is probably the single greatest plan I've ever heard in my entire life.

Simmons: You would think that, kiss-ass.

Sarge to Grif: Simmons! Can it! And thank-you, Private... ugh... Grif? Urgh!

Grif to Sarge: You're... welcome? Am I... saying that right?

Sarge: So! Our first order of business should be to fortify our own team! Get ready for the big battle! Let's get Donut back on his feet.

They all turn to where Donut previously was, but he is gone.

Grif: Hey, where's Donut?

Sarge to Simmons: Simmons, where'd he go!?

Simmons to Sarge: How would I know?

Sarge to Simmons: Keeping track of Donut is one of yer duties!

Grif to Simmons: Oohhoohoo, busted!

Simmons: Meh, who cares.

Caboose inside the Blue Base. He is still talking to the Epsilon unit.

Caboose: And then there was the time we turned all of our armor black, because Tex was captured. You remember her. I told you all about her. It was a crazy adventure. Then there was another time when she helped us break into O'Malley's fortress.

Iowa: that those are some very interesting stories

Caboose to Iowa: believe me we've been through a lot of Epic and unusual Adventures.

Iowa to Caboose: you guys, must have a time of your life..

Caboose to Iowa: Hey! Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched by someone?

Iowa to Caboose: yeah, I feel like someone's right behind us...

revealing Donut standing right behind Caboose.

Ohio pointed her gun at Donut.

Caboose to Donut: Donut, I'm asking you a question.

To Be Continued...  
A/N: Caboose was trying to get the components to rebuild Epsilon/Church.


End file.
